There have been a few people who have asked me why I am so happy, and others who have commented on how they never see me having a bad day, so I’ve actually gotten to thinking quite a bit about it and the reasons behind that. The following is half brain dump, half trying to encourage people to be happy. It’s kind of long, but I think it’s got some pretty good points that a lot of people could benefit from knowing.
Here goes:
I have decided that happiness is a choice, rather than a result. It is a journey, rather than a destination. I think people far too often say to themselves “I’ll be so much happier when [such and such thing] happens.” I object to this kind of thinking; why not be happy on the journey to that “such and such”?
I am a happy person; that is a fact. However, I have not always been so; I used to be fairly sarcastic and even cynical. (Side note: Sarcasm and cynicism are such dangerous attitudes and ways of life. They so easily point out the negative in a biting, mocking way.) I LEARNED happiness. It wasn’t until my mission that I started to change my way of thinking. It was because of a wonderful missionary (as is so often the case in situations involving small or great changes in missionaries—or everyday people; missionaries can have a profound impact on people) named Elder Domanico. Elder Domanico had hard days, just like the rest of us do, but he made the very best out of every situation. E. Domanico was my Zone Leader when I was a District Leader as a young missionary. He and I did a few exchanges together, but for some reason, the most profound impact he had on me was when he was working with my companion, whom I was training at the time. E. Johansen would tell me how, despite a massive downpour of rain, E. Domanico would greet people as he did contacts with them by saying “Isn’t it just the most gorgeous day?!” and would be serious and sincere about it nonetheless!
Kids on the streets in Brasil can be really big punks. Until E. Domanico taught me a crucial lesson, I always viewed them as nuisances; I really couldn’t stand them. Then I did an exchange with E. Domanico, who would joke around and play with the kids. Inevitably and invariably, they would ask us who we were and what we did and we would get to explain it, and ask them for their address so we could drop off a present (a Book of Mormon, logically) for their parents. He taught me that if I could simply love people and be their friend they could help us so much. Not just a lesson for the mission, but one for life. That is a dangerous phrase that I just wrote; I don’t mean to say that we would use these kids to get our work done, but rather concentrated on loving them so that they could hear our awesome message, the end result hopefully being that their family would accept the gospel and be truly happy.
Towards the end of my mission I started to ponder on this quite a bit. I came to the realization and conclusion that people simply want and need to be loved. If we can but love people and spread happiness we can have a great impact in the world. Towards the end of my first semester back at BYU, I started making it my goal to smile everywhere I went and say “hi” to strangers, talk to people in lines at food places, cash registers—just everyone so that they could be happy. I tried and try to be cheery and upbeat, trying to make people laugh and smile and see the sparkles of life (I actually hate real sparkles and sequins, but that is totally beside the point). I realized that there were far too many people who are simply unhappy. But this life has so much happiness to offer us! We have to look for it and it is hard work to be happy, but when we focus on making other people happy, we inevitably become happy ourselves!
When making other people happy becomes our soul goal and concentration, it is at that moment that we can find our true purpose and calling in life. As we focus outward, our inward comes into a much finer focus.
Sometimes bad things happen. That is a fact of life: crap happens. It’s a bummer. But you know what? We have to deal with it! We have to expect the best, but be prepared for the worst. And when the worst happens, why dwell on it and focus on how bad our situation is? Why not focus on what we can do to change our situation and get out of the hole in which we find ourselves? Why complain? I love what Elder Holland said about trials: “There is nothing so bad that complaining about it won’t make it worse.”
Actually, I would like to explore that quote a little more thoroughly:
When we complain, we only promote a negative attitude everywhere around us, even in our own minds. Complaining is especially unhealthy when we are experiencing things in a group because we help other people to not only recognize, but also focus on the negative side of the experience rather than helping them be positive and learn from the experience. And an odd thing is that when we vocalize things, they become more solid in our own heads because they have passed through a second medium, aside from just our heads; the more media through which thoughts pass, the stronger and more solid they become. So, instead of complaining, even mentally, we should distract ourselves and think instead of the positive aspects of our situation or if there really is no positive side of the situation (HIGHLY unlikely), we should think about something else! The key is to simply not think negatively, and especially not voice that negativity to other people.
I had a youth leader suggest that we never complain unless we had a viable solution to accompany that complaint. I like that.
Today our Elder’s Quorum lesson was on trials. There was a guy who was talking about how our life is stormy and we only have little bits of sunshine. I must say that I felt compelled to immediately raise my hand in disagreement with his statement, for I find that life is ALL about seeing the sunshine THROUGH the storms and being happy not necessarily in spite of, but rather BECAUSE of the storms. When we have hard times, we need to realize there is a specific reason that we are having that experience and that we need to learn from it.
I remember on my mission (yes- 98% of my life is based on my mission) when our area was just not doing very well. I had been out 18 or 19 months and finally started thanking our Heavenly Father for the hard times we were having and for the perseverance they were teaching me, as well as bringing my dear companion and I closer together. What an opportunity it was for us to sanctify ourselves and be the most obedient we could possibly be, working harder and more consecratedly than we had up to that point. Looking back on it now, I know that the Lord was preparing me for my next and final area, which my companion—whom I was training—and I opened. It was so important that I be not only obedient, but also hard-working during that time so that he could learn how to be a good missionary. I doubt that I could have trained him well or effectively had I not had those experiences in my previous area. How grateful I am that I had those hard times in that area to consecrate me and prepare me for the not only the hardest, but some of the most rewarding experiences of my mission in my next area.
My last point:
So much of what we think are trials are in fact things that we have chosen and we should be happy for the opportunity we have to do so many wonderful things! We choose our major, our job, our extra-curricular activities! Why not make the very most of the opportunities we have? This past spring, I was in a show, auditioning for a bunch of other shows, had a 20 page research paper due at the end of the semester, and had the regular end-of-the-semester finals and all the hecticness that accompanies that. I was starting to get really very stressed with life, but one day, I realized, “I chose this! Why should I be complaining about this? What wonderful opportunities I have to learn and grow because of these things! Logan, think about how much these experiences will help you in the future in your career, your family, your Church callings, etc.” As I changed my attitude, stress faded from my life and I became so much more light-hearted and happy, overwhelmed with the amount of gems I saw in life, instead of only finding one or two here or there. I learned to live life, instead of facing life; to embrace it, instead of tackle it. Since then, things have been so much better and easier.
So, those are most of my thoughts on happiness. I think I pretty much covered everything that has been going through my head about the topic. Actually, I probably forgot to include some pretty key things, but that inevitably happens anytime I write anything or speak. Meh. Such is life.
There is a lot to live up to in this little splurge here. I do not claim to live everything that I have written because I slip all the time, but I try to live it the best I can so I can be as happy as I can be. So if you see me slipping up, point it out to me so that I can fix it, but please don’t think I am a hypocrite.
I love life. I love how much it has to offer us. In the words of Elder Wirthlin’s mother: “Come what may, and LOVE it!”
Monday, October 13, 2008
holding hands
a story:
senior year of high school. i ask kirsten to prom at a script read through that we were doing for a show we were in (noises off). she says yes. (kirsten and i had been in the school musical for the 2 months previous to this episode, so i had had my eye on her for quite some time.) the entire cast then watches the movie of the show in my basement. because our basement was a tad bit nippy, the lot of use that were on the couch decided to throw a blanket over top us, so as to keep us warm. i had of course strategically placed myself next to kirsten in the hope that i might somehow go for the hand hold. about 40 minutes into the movie, once we had already thrown the blanket over us, i decide to go for it. at this point, we're holding the blanket up to about neck height, so our arms were in some kind of fold under the blanket. my thinking, therefore, was that, because no one else could see our hands, i would extend my left arm (since i was on her left, folding my arms), and grab her right hand. it was a perfect plan. HOWEVER, when i go for the hold, i grab no hand--i instead grab her BLASTED ELBOW! a plan miserably foiled and failed. i quickly retract my hand, in the intense hope that she has not noticed that i had attempted to hold her hand. i get that empty, nervous feeling in my chest--you know, that one where you just kind of say to yourself "oh crap, dude, i totally just wasted ALL hopes of getting this girl." however, for some odd reason, despite my surety that kirsten now thought she had a simply awkward prom date, i proceed to ask her out not a day later; four days later, we're dating.
that was a just kind of a funny story.
at this point in life, i don't really think hand holding normally occurs until both parties have indulged in some kind of dtr, which i support whole-heartedly; i think that the whole dating game is much too much a guessing game and so many people treat it trivially. that's a post for another day though.
and those are my thoughts on hand holding.
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