I’ve been conducting an experiment lately:
I’ve always been a really outgoing person, so whenever I sit down next to someone I don’t know, I make an effort to get to know that person and make conversation with them. I noticed a little while ago that I was almost always the one to start the conversation. First, I think it’s funny that it took me that long to notice that. Second, I found it interesting that the other person almost never started the conversation. So my experiment was to let the other person start the conversation—for myself to be on the other side, receiving the sociality, as opposed to giving it to the person. This has been pretty interesting because it has led to some fairly awkward situations and silences. However, I have stopped doing it because I have realized that the reason people aren’t outgoing is because they are either angry or bitter at life or they are afraid of being shot down or rejected.
I have found that when I am proactively friendly with someone, if—and this is a big if—I do it right, it is like I am going up to them and saying “I accept you; you can be yourself and someone loves you.” That’s what I aim for in my friendliness. I wrote a blog about a year ago called “happiness is…” that touched on going around with a positive attitude and scattering sunshine wherever we go. But I have learned over the last year that it is not enough to just smile at everyone and ask them how they are doing; that doesn’t solve anyone’s problems. I need to be friends with people who need friends in order to make this world better. People need love. That’s what it boils down to.
Why is it so hard for us to leave our own personal comfort zone and bubble and go out to others with whom we normally wouldn’t socialize? Why do we shut ourselves off? I have found that the more outgoing and friendly I am, the happier I am. So why aren’t I ALWAYS friendly? I think it might be because I have had experiences when I have tried to reach out and was shot down that has made me subconsciously hesitant to try again. I talked to my dad recently about this and he said it’s a lot about listening to the other person and really figuring out what it is that is important to them and getting the topic of conversation to focus on them so they’re comfortable and feel valued. And not only do they feel valued, but they actually are valued if you do it sincerely. Friend Shannon also talked to me about figuring out how the person can help you in your life so they feel like they contribute to the relationship.
Like most of my blogs, this has gotten a little tangential, but I’m ok with that.
Conclusion: people need love.
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5 comments:
Good work Logan, I like this post a lot.
Speaking as living proof, it's amazing how when you take someone (figuratively) under your wing, it gives them strength and confidence to go out and do the same for someone else.
For me a lot of the reason why I don't start conversations is just because I'm simply lazy. Meeting people takes a lot of effort and I need to be in the right mindset or else it doesn't feel sincere. My two bits. <3 you Logan.
I don't think being introverted is necessarily bad. It takes all kinds in life. I don't start conversations with strangers because, in my internal system, that's not necessarily appropriate. It doesn't always come down to low self esteem or fear of rejection. Different people have different ideas of how the world works, and for the introverted, socialization isn't as high a priority as for extroverts.
However, a lot of introverted people (and outgoing people) have low self-esteem, and the only way to get over it is to practice talking to strangers. And, I think everyone you talk to appreciates your efforts. :)
“I accept you; you can be yourself and someone loves you.”
YES!!!!!
that's totally it. While your goal was to let the other person start, my goal is to actually start it. I can be outgoing, but, i'm afraid to start it.
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