Friday, May 14, 2010

Friday, May 14, 2010

So we headed out to Oxford on a motorcoach today for an opportunity to observe the private schools in their music teaching. We went to a POSH school where there was some really amazing teaching going on. Those kids have got some incredible equipment and facilities. Their parents pay a pretty penny for their education too, so that at least partially explains it.

We then went to rehearse with our respective choirs for Sunday's Evensong services. Our choir was not terribly prepared. In fact, we were far more prepared than they were. Dr. Staheli and Sister Hall were pretty concerned that we wouldn't be prepared enough. However, after the rehearsal, Dr. Staheli commented to Sister Hall, “we have nothing to fear.” It was good, however, to lead the section by and large. It taught me a lot about taking risks and really being a leader in the section. I really liked it and so did the guys I was singing with.

Oxford is so beautiful! I want to live there. Literally every street there is just fabulously beautiful and quaint. And everything there is so old! Holy cow, it was such a pleasure to simply walk about the streets and see all the ancient buildings. Apparently JK Rowling took much of the culture she set up in Harry Potter from the Oxbridge schooling system. And apparently on a tour we are taking of the school tomorrow, we will even see the great hall from Harry Potter. That'll be cool.

So we are heading back out there tomorrow and Sunday. I'm really excited to explore more of the city.

I've been thinking a lot about friendships today. This year has been really tough for me as far as freindships go. Because I was dating someone and was already fairly busy as it was, many of my friends stopped contacting me; if I wanted something to happen, I had to make absolutely certain that it happened because they had basically given up on me. So I spent much of the year without friends who were really, truly loyal to me. I've come on the study abroad in that basic state and I've found that people who I thought were my friends weren't really my friends and people who I never would have thought I would get close to have become some of my really good friends. Because they were willing to put themselves out there and love someone else. I see some people who are very selective about whom they love and sometimes I feel like I have to earn their love. That frustrates me. And then I think about the things I do that limit the amount of love I give to those around me and how I don't reach out to absolutely everyone around me. It is so hard to make sure every single person is feeling our love and is feeling appreciated and valued. It is so blastedly important to do that and it is a neverending process. And you have to be totally untiring in it in order to get it done—and frankly, it never really is done.

So my source of wonder right now has to do with what we should do when we give and give and give our love, but the person to whom we are giving simply does not seem to accept the love we give them. It is really hard for me when that happens. I think I too often expect to receive some reward for the things I do. And I think I expect too much. I hope I can get to the place where I can simply give and give without any expectation of something in return for that which I give. One day....