Good Sabbath today. A packed Sabbath. Great scott. They certainly make sure we have enough to do around here. We headed out to Oxford for Church pretty early, where we met with the Oxford Ward and sang in their Sacrament Meeting. We sang the text of “I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say” to an arrangement of the tune of “If you Could Hie to Kolob” and an arrangement of “I Stand All Amazed.” It brought a really nice spirit to the meeting and the ward was really so appreciative of our singing. It was a really great experience. We then had a pleasant munch 'n mingle with the ward, where we got to know the ward a bit more. They were really just so warm, hospitable and welcoming to us. I really loved it. There was a Brazillian family from Rio who has lived there for six years, so it was really fun to speak to them in Portuguese. I love Brazillians. They are just so fun.
We then rehearsed a bit and then headed to Evensong. It was as we expected—not terribly wonderful, but still a good experience. We had drinks (sherry for them, orange juice for us) with them and ate with them. They were really warm and welcoming as well. I enjoyed myself thoroughly.
On the ride back, I sat next to one of my new friends who got me talking and I came to the realization that I am scared to seek out help. I am scared of being dependent on other people, so I distract myself from my difficulties and tell myself I'll figure things out on my own instead of facing them and figuring them out. And usually things do work themselves out on their own in the back of my head—most of the time because it's simply not that big of a deal and if I just let it cool down or work itself out or whatever the case may be, things get to a stable point on their own. But this week was one of those times when I was feeling particularly lonely and should have sought out help of some sort. However, because I have gotten in this habit of not seeking out that help when I need it, I still didn't.
I have always been so independent that most people don't ever really worry about taking care of me, and 99% of the time, I don't really need it, but I actually did need it this week. I have been having a hard time feeling like I have really good, true friends lately because I haven't been able to really connect with too many people since Ashley and that has led to a bit of loneliness. I fear I am now at the point that I am too prideful to realize that I need help and if I do, I am not sure I would ask for that help. So, I think I am going to do some hard praying and thinking and see what I can do to humble myself a bit and better diagnose when I need that help.
And then there is another part of me that says that perfect love overcometh all fear. Insecurities, I think, arise from fear, ultimately. And if I can love God with all I have and love those around me with real charity, then all of those things can be overcome.
It's late. I'm mostly past the point of coherence. Good night.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
This won't combat the issues of fear or pride, but if knowing this makes it any easier to seek out help, doing so is something that is taught in the the scriptures. In conjunction with having faith, hope and charity, and being humble and obedient, Alma included "asking for whatsoever things we stand in need, both spiritual and temporal" in his list of how we are to be (Alma 7:23-24). I'm sorry that you're lonely. But I'm glad that you are learning some things about yourself and I hope that it help you become an even better man.
Have fun in Europe.
Post a Comment